ONE of life's great mysteries is what, precisely, to do with Dead Celebrities.

Having "lived it large" throughout life, simply being stuck in a hole in the ground Post Mortem seems a bit limp in comparison.  We have thought long and hard about this dilemma and now have the solution.

Ideal for Rock Stars, Actors, Models, Sports Persons and even Royalty, SPiT LiKE THiS now offer the Dead Celebrity Funeral Service!

When your celebrity croaks it, simply give us a call and we will be round in a flash.  We will treat your stiff with the respect it deserves and collect it in our very own hearse, The Boner.  We shall then embalm them in the liquor of your choice (no need to remove internal organs as these will have been destroyed through years of substance abuse) and prepare them for the funeral.

No-one puts the "fun" in funeral quite like SPiT LiKE THiS!  On the day itself, we will drive your Dead Celebrity to their final resting place in style!  Pictured below is The Boner - a stately Daimler DS420 Limousine Hearse as used by Royalty and Rock Bands alike.  Indeed, the late Lady Diana's last journey was in an identical vehicle (albeit without our tasteful SPiT LiKE THiS livery).

Once we reach the final destination, we will unload the famous corpse and then get the party started!  In true "Weekend At Bernie's" style, we make sure the deceased goes to the afterlife in style!  We will prop them up behind the bar almost as if they were serving the drinks themselves.  Specially manufactured body attachments will bring about the appearance of life after death as we tastefully turn your Dead Celeb into a lifesize marionette puppet!  They can move, dance, groove and gyrate toward the party's highlight - a performance by us!  Yes, as our final tribute, SPiT LiKE THiS will play a somewhat ironic version of our classic tune "Not Dead Yet".

At last, it is time to rest.  It is at this point that we get really creative, as your Dead Celeb will be disposed of in one of the following ways:

• 'A Hole Lotta Love' - Explosives will create a crater in the ground large enough for the deceased to be tossed into!
• 'Ashes To Ashes' - Guy Fawkes style, the deceased will be put atop a bonfire and cremated amidst a spectacular firework display!
• 'Mummy Mia' - Wrapped in the designer wadding of your choice, preserve your stiffy for all time, Mummy style!

Other options can be arranged so, get creative!  This is a FREE service offered to all Celebrities who die within the UK.

For more information or to apply, contact us.  Recent enquiries include Kate Moss, Pete Doherty, Bruce Forsyth and Lady Thatcher!
For more information on SPiT LiKE THiS, the World's No. 1 Shock 'n' Roll Band, do not, under any circumstance, click here!